As a mother, I BELIEVE SO. But The posting is not to highlight that we parents are labelling our kids.
Rather, I am going to share my experience of how “I was” when I used labels for everything and the way “I am” today without labelling.
Ofcourse, this situation is after having understood and accepted that my kid has been diagnosed with Autism.
But along with Autism we carry other labels like “Verbal-Non-Verbal”, “Sensory Issues”, “Tantrums”, “Meltdowns”, “Socialisation Challenges”, “Communication difficulties” etc.
My posting is all about the above labels, how it depressed me, how it stopped me to take the next steps with Aakash. And also the freedom of thinking and the connection I could establish with Aakash, when I had taken those labels out of my mind.
I would say establishing connection with the kids should be the first step to any therapy. When I carry labels like “Non-Verbal”, “Sensory Issue”, “Motor Difficulty”, “Tantrum” etc., I found it was very difficult to make connection with Aakash. As a mother, I strived to build a trust with my son so that I could connect with him. Instead I was trapped by depression because of the labels which kept weakening our connection.
Whenever I had tried to establish connection with Aakash, he had continuously reminded me of his condition, all of which needed attention. But with my depressed mindset I would found it difficult to address the issues.
With all my bookish knowledge, inputs from various forums, without me realising, I had tried to fit every action of Aakash into some label or issue.
At a point of time, I had lost all my motherly instincts and feelings and became a perfectly depressed care taker of a kid with Autism expecting everybody and the world to understand my feelings and needs of my son and his condition.
But a turning point did come more philosophically.
One day when I was waiting for my husband sitting in a car in front of a vegetable shop, I happened to see a baby and a mother. The mother was giving a banana to her baby girly who was running, jumping, giggling loudly, spitting the food being given to her, taking and putting vegetables from one tray to another . The mother didn’t show any distress, she didn’t control the baby in any way.
But whenever, I take Aakash outside or even at home, I would be over-concise about Aakash.
After watching the mother and baby, I thought through
- How I was brought up at home by my parents
- How I was taught by my teachers
- How my relatives, friends, neighbours approach their kids.
My teacher would say to a student, "improve your handwriting" if it was bad and not say "work on your fine-motor skills".
My neighbours or relatives would describe their kid as "he/she is a picky eater" and not as "he/she has a sensory issue". The list goes on.
This gave me more clarity to myself that how I am limiting myself by Keeping Aakash’s condition and the labels like Tantrum, meltdown, Sensory issues, motor skills etc in front of me.
In the past, if we go a restaurant, my anxiety level would be high expecting tantrum because of some label or the other.
But now I focus only on eating what is in front of me and we both enjoy our time. I don’t keep an eye out for Aakash.
Also while setting goals for Aakash(when I was still labelling), I used to drop some goals because I would assume some issue(label) would prevent or make it difficult for Aakash to achieve the goals.
Now that I have dropped the labels I go for all kind of goals. If something does not work I change my approach or relax the goal for some time and then try again.
When I tried coaching Aakash for writing, he did not have a firm grip and learning was almost impossible. With a label free approach I worked with him just as a mother helping the child in different ways. It took us both 4 years to cross the writing milestone and both of us are glad because if it. Today Aakash expresses many of his feelings by writing. If I had given up with my earlier mindset Aakash would have lost one medium of expressing himself.
Now for me, my son is "Aakash" and I am "his mother".
This gives me a lot of freedom to explore the world together with my son and move forward in our Journey.
Rather, I am going to share my experience of how “I was” when I used labels for everything and the way “I am” today without labelling.
Ofcourse, this situation is after having understood and accepted that my kid has been diagnosed with Autism.
But along with Autism we carry other labels like “Verbal-Non-Verbal”, “Sensory Issues”, “Tantrums”, “Meltdowns”, “Socialisation Challenges”, “Communication difficulties” etc.
My posting is all about the above labels, how it depressed me, how it stopped me to take the next steps with Aakash. And also the freedom of thinking and the connection I could establish with Aakash, when I had taken those labels out of my mind.
I would say establishing connection with the kids should be the first step to any therapy. When I carry labels like “Non-Verbal”, “Sensory Issue”, “Motor Difficulty”, “Tantrum” etc., I found it was very difficult to make connection with Aakash. As a mother, I strived to build a trust with my son so that I could connect with him. Instead I was trapped by depression because of the labels which kept weakening our connection.
Whenever I had tried to establish connection with Aakash, he had continuously reminded me of his condition, all of which needed attention. But with my depressed mindset I would found it difficult to address the issues.
With all my bookish knowledge, inputs from various forums, without me realising, I had tried to fit every action of Aakash into some label or issue.
At a point of time, I had lost all my motherly instincts and feelings and became a perfectly depressed care taker of a kid with Autism expecting everybody and the world to understand my feelings and needs of my son and his condition.
But a turning point did come more philosophically.
One day when I was waiting for my husband sitting in a car in front of a vegetable shop, I happened to see a baby and a mother. The mother was giving a banana to her baby girly who was running, jumping, giggling loudly, spitting the food being given to her, taking and putting vegetables from one tray to another . The mother didn’t show any distress, she didn’t control the baby in any way.
But whenever, I take Aakash outside or even at home, I would be over-concise about Aakash.
After watching the mother and baby, I thought through
- How I was brought up at home by my parents
- How I was taught by my teachers
- How my relatives, friends, neighbours approach their kids.
My teacher would say to a student, "improve your handwriting" if it was bad and not say "work on your fine-motor skills".
My neighbours or relatives would describe their kid as "he/she is a picky eater" and not as "he/she has a sensory issue". The list goes on.
This gave me more clarity to myself that how I am limiting myself by Keeping Aakash’s condition and the labels like Tantrum, meltdown, Sensory issues, motor skills etc in front of me.
In the past, if we go a restaurant, my anxiety level would be high expecting tantrum because of some label or the other.
But now I focus only on eating what is in front of me and we both enjoy our time. I don’t keep an eye out for Aakash.
Also while setting goals for Aakash(when I was still labelling), I used to drop some goals because I would assume some issue(label) would prevent or make it difficult for Aakash to achieve the goals.
Now that I have dropped the labels I go for all kind of goals. If something does not work I change my approach or relax the goal for some time and then try again.
When I tried coaching Aakash for writing, he did not have a firm grip and learning was almost impossible. With a label free approach I worked with him just as a mother helping the child in different ways. It took us both 4 years to cross the writing milestone and both of us are glad because if it. Today Aakash expresses many of his feelings by writing. If I had given up with my earlier mindset Aakash would have lost one medium of expressing himself.
Now for me, my son is "Aakash" and I am "his mother".
This gives me a lot of freedom to explore the world together with my son and move forward in our Journey.
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