Singular, plural and usage of is/are

Aakash’s learning pattern is different. Mostly he learns by doing things. And I too customise the ways of learning according to his needs and understanding.

When I tried to introduce singular and plural to him, I had tried to explain him  that one item means singular and more than one item means plural. But it seems he didn’t get it.

So I have slightly modified the approach.  If he sees a item then he has to write “a ...” for singular and “ 2 or some numbers....” for plural as in picture 1. Say for example “a ball” or “six bats”.

Along side, I have introduced the usage of “is” and “are” as well. Aakash tries to understand it with cues. You could see the cues on the top of the picture-2.

Observations on Aakash’s Teenage and Preparations.

Aakash’s voice is cracking. Now he is in his teenage, 14 years old. When girls enter Puberty, we could see visible changes. But for boys it is not just a day, it happens over a period of time. I thought I will share my experience of what is happening over a period or a year.

Myself and my husband decided to prepare Aakash for this transition a couple of years back. We started saying(when Aakash entered Thirteen), that he is now a “big boy” in suitable opportunities like when he was getting dressed(so he would be seeing himself in the mirror), when we went to the park and he wanted to play the slide etc.

Also, we used other cues to educate him so that he understands the changes happening in his body. His dad used to show occasionally that Aakash had started getting hairs in his body and compared it with his own hair. And we correlated the concept of “big boy” with the same. We explained about Moustache (as he had started getting traces of it) and beard.

Before even he entered his thirteenth year, we had introduced the concept of shaving to him. I thought that this skill is going to take some time for him to understand and wanted to start early. His beard or Moustache were very less but we wanted him to get used to the concept. My husband got an old-style razor where we have to put the blade separately. But we did not get or put in the actual blades. We got a separate shaving brush for him. And along with his dad (and with the help of dad), he learnt to put the shaving cream, wet his chin and apply the shaving cream. He had to undergo lot of stages here to learn the hand movements (and still learning), overcoming the ticklish feeling when the brush touched his chin and neck. However once the cream was applied no training was needed. He imitated his dad perfectly and felt proud that he was doing shaving. He even perfectly applies the after-shave lotion also. All like his dad 😊. In a year or two he may need actual shaving and hopefully he will do it easily/safely with a razor which actually has blade in it.

One note here is that I did not use any visuals for this transition. His dad did all the modelling.

Aakash started getting hairs in the private part. As it itches him, he tries to scratch it. As it does not look appropriate in front of others, we told him not to. But he looked insulted. Hence we told him, if he needs to do it he can do it in the rest room. After this such behaviour has come down. His dad also educated him to dry his private parts thoroughly after bath. Also we have given him a anti fungal powder to avoid any issues in this area.

As there is lot of hormonal issues during this stage, we encourage him to use body spray. He also likes to use the same and hence we have no problem.

Another observation that I want to share is Aakash was overweight for his height and age. Whenever we meet a general physician for anything, this used to be the general advice. Till 1 year back this was the advice. But now in the last 1 year, he is gaining weight but still he is loosing the flabbiness around his face and hands. He is more energetic, focused and brisk. I feel he needs balanced diet and nutrition at this stage to manage his changes during the growing change. We have not changed his diet which continues to be the balanced diet which I had shared earlier. But I think the transition happening is because of his age.

A note on his sleep pattern. Aakash always sleeps at around 9 and gets up at around 5.00 to 5.30am. But now a days he is waking up late or he gets up and goes back to sleep. Afternoon also he catches up with a nap some times. Overall his sleep cycle has increased.

One general observation is that he still has obsession on cars. When I talked to some therapist moms they did share their kids like watching girl pictures. But Aakash has not shown any interest till now. I think this is a long journey. I will share my experience as we walk the path.

Structured Activities at home

In this post, I am listing activities that I did with Aakash to engage him at home.  I have listed down activities that we did when was around 4 years old.

Aakash was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3.5 years. At that time we were in UK. Before even a speech therapist had a session with him, myself and my husband and few other parents whose kids were also recently been diagnosed with Autism were given a parents training program. It empowered us parents who were new to this world to take our first steps confidently to handle the child directly at home. So, my first recommendation for parents is to educate/train yourself on how to interact and work with your child. You can do this by attending workshops that happen from time to time in all major towns, discussing with other parents, read Autism-Activity related books etc.

Before I proceed further want to state that, whatever I share here are my trials in understanding and working with Aakash. I had not followed any fixed protocol. Everything we had done were out of Aakash’s interest and based on his ability and understanding at that point of time.

List of things I prepared for myself to work with Aakash:

• Picture book (pictures of the things in Living room, Kitchen, Bathroom, Bedroom, Park, school etc)-I myself prepared this by taking photos of objects in our home, printed, laminated and bound it as a book by punching in the corners and tying them with spiral binding string. I thought it would be easier for him to relate with things he sees constantly. Generalisation comes later. A easy and comfortable start with the child comes first according to me.

• Plan some Rhymes to train and interact with the child -Initially I chose some Rhymes which I planned to teach him as a first step. To be interactive and fun for Aakash, I chose some action oriented rhymes (e.g. Bye Bye Good Bye..), rhymes involving movement and body parts like “Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes”, Number rhymes like “1, 2 Buckle my shoe”. Please also decide and choose Rhymes which you think will excite and involve your child.

I used to teach it with stress and pause which is a technique to make the child get involved in rhymes, make it say some sounds or words and participate in rhymes. You can find more about this experience in my blog if you are interested:
http://autism-contacts-in-india.blogspot.in/…/extend-stress…

•  Use Flash cards for Verbs (actions we do at home like brushing, bathing, cooking, sleeping etc)

• For developing Motor/Fine motor Activities
————————————————————-
 Tub with sand/rice/ragi and some small toys (Hide the objects in the sand/rice/ragi and ask the child to find the hidden objects)

 Very Simple images for Colouring (say a big apple with a leaf/ square). The image should of so simple that needs maximum 2 colours. So that the kid may find it easy to colour the picture.

 Black / white board and chalk/white board marker. Ask the kid to scribble, make straight lines, Slanting lines, put circles, Zigzag lines and draw lines to connect two dots.

 Two bowls, tong and some cotton balls/small objects (Ask the child to transfer the objects from one bowl to other with tong)

 4 to 6-piece jigsaw puzzle

 Inset wooden board puzzle

 Piggy bank and some coins-Aakash used to love the jingle that the coins used to make when dropping the coin in the piggy bank. This is one of the first activity we did to make him sit and co-operate with us.

 Building blocks (give them some 10 blocks and ask them to fix two blocks together. After fixing, ask the child to detach).

 Bowls, pulses/sand and a spoon (ask the child to transfer the sand/pulses from one bowl to another with spoon)

 Beads to string. Ask the child to put the beads in a string(use a shoe lace like thick one)

For Break time/play time:
———————————-
I used to play games which involved interaction, child seeing our facial gesture and very importantly which were fun. This brought me and Aakash closer. This kind of games made him more co-operative to sit with me later for activities and some of these games like Trampoline were also used a relaxing game during activity break time.

 Play Peek a boo
 Play tickles
 Have trampoline, gym ball, swing/hammock, tricycle.
 Running activity (say 1,2,3 run and ask them to touch a door/fridge/table and ask them to come back to the starting point)
 Crawl like baby (ask them crawl around sofa/dinning table/two or three chairs put together)
 Bubbles (you blow bubbles and ask the child to pop it)
 Ball and a basket (simply ask the child to throw the ball/ throw the ball into the basket which will be kept at some distance, put some 5 or 6 around and ask the child to pick the ball one by one to put it in the basket, ask the child to throw the ball against the wall)

For activity time with Aakash
—————————————-
1. I tell him that we are going to do Activity by say “ACTIVITY TIME START”.

2. Then an activity like drawing/singing rhymes/puzzles/motor/fine motor activity. I would give each activity a name, say Puzzle activity. To initiate the activity, I would say “START Puzzle activity”.

3. Once he finished off the activity, I would say name of the activity and then OVER. Ex. “Puzzle activity OVER”.

4. We should give directions and make the child to understand the START and END of an Activity so that it will not have anxiety or get confused by activities starting in quick succession.

5. Then a break time by saying “BREAK TIME”. And do break time activities like running/bubbles/ball game etc.

6. Then by announcing “BREAK TIME OVER”, take the child back to the work table.

7. Again, an activity-break time-activity- break time and finally windup the activity time by saying “ACTIVITY TIME OVER”.

There is no hard and fast rule to follow to teach our kids. If we understand our kids’ interest and strength, we could work with them effortlessly. If you think I have a pattern to teach Aakash, then it has come out after a lot of trial and error and better understanding about Aakash’s strength and weakness.

I want to share two other points also

1. If the child cries/ throw tantrum while doing activity, move the child out of the work table to a comfort place and be with the child for some time without a word. Sometimes I would gently massage his legs and hands. And in between I would say gently one or two times its “Activity time”.
Don’t pamper the child too much as well. Say gently that crying is not acceptable.

2. If the child runs out of the work table, don’t chase the child immediately or rise your voice and say come and sit down. First gently say in a soft tone “come and sit”. And give the child some time. If the child continues to roam around or busy with other activity, then repeat the instruction “come and sit”. Even after your second time communication still the child is busy with its own agenda then you go to the child and physically direct the child to the work table gently.

I want to conclude by saying the core of whatever you are doing should be based on your child’s interests and strengths. Before Aakash learnt “Bus”, he learnt the word “Pizza”. This approach helps me to take his lead and then gently guide him in the learning path. And it is not all the time about teaching the child. Our children like typical children are also “children”. They need to have their share of fun and we need to have good time with them as well. So don’t forget to play and laugh along with them.

All the best for all games and activities with your kids.

Are we parents labelling our kids more than others?

As a mother, I BELIEVE SO. But The posting is not to highlight that we parents are labelling our kids.

Rather, I am going to share my experience of how “I was” when I used labels for everything and the way “I am” today without labelling.

Ofcourse, this situation is after having understood and accepted that my kid has been diagnosed with Autism.

But along with Autism we carry other labels like “Verbal-Non-Verbal”, “Sensory Issues”, “Tantrums”, “Meltdowns”, “Socialisation Challenges”, “Communication difficulties” etc.

My posting is all about the above labels, how it depressed me, how it stopped me to take the next steps with Aakash. And also the freedom of thinking and the connection I could establish with Aakash, when I had taken those labels out of my mind.

I would say establishing connection with the kids should be the first step to any therapy. When I carry labels like “Non-Verbal”, “Sensory Issue”, “Motor Difficulty”, “Tantrum” etc., I found it was very difficult to make connection with Aakash. As a mother, I strived to build a trust with my son so that I could connect with him. Instead I was trapped by depression because of the labels which kept weakening our connection.

Whenever I had tried to establish connection with Aakash, he had continuously reminded me of his condition, all of which needed attention. But with my depressed mindset I would found it difficult to address the issues.

With all my bookish knowledge, inputs from various forums, without me realising, I had tried to fit every action of Aakash into some label or issue.

At a point of time, I had lost all my motherly instincts and feelings and became a perfectly depressed care taker of a kid with Autism expecting everybody and the world to understand my feelings and needs of my son and his condition.

But a turning point did come more philosophically.

One day when I was waiting for my husband sitting in a car in front of a vegetable shop, I happened to see a baby and a mother. The mother was giving a banana to her baby girly who was running, jumping, giggling loudly, spitting the food being given to her, taking and putting vegetables from one tray to another . The mother didn’t show any distress, she didn’t control the baby in any way.

But whenever, I take Aakash outside or even at home, I would be over-concise about Aakash.

After watching the mother and baby, I thought through
- How I was brought up at home by my parents
- How I was taught by my teachers
- How my relatives, friends, neighbours approach their kids.

My teacher would say to a student, "improve your handwriting" if it was bad and not say "work on your fine-motor skills".

My neighbours or relatives would describe their kid as "he/she is a picky eater" and not as "he/she has a sensory issue". The list goes on.

This gave me more clarity to myself that how I am limiting myself by Keeping Aakash’s condition and the labels like Tantrum, meltdown, Sensory issues, motor skills etc in front of me.

In the past, if we go a restaurant, my anxiety level would be high expecting tantrum because of some label or the other.

But now I focus only on eating what is in front of me and we both enjoy our time. I don’t keep an eye out for Aakash.

Also while setting goals for Aakash(when I was still labelling), I used to drop some goals because I would assume some issue(label) would prevent or make it difficult for Aakash to achieve the goals.

Now that I have dropped the labels I go for all kind of goals. If something does not work I change my approach or relax the goal for some time and then try again.

When I tried coaching Aakash for writing, he did not have a firm grip and learning was almost impossible. With a label free approach I worked with him just as a mother helping the child in different ways. It took us both 4 years to cross the writing milestone and both of us are glad because if it. Today Aakash expresses many of his feelings by writing. If I had given up with my earlier mindset Aakash would have lost one medium of expressing himself.

Now for me, my son is "Aakash" and I am "his mother".

This gives me a lot of freedom to explore the world together with my son and move forward in our Journey.